We are occasional attenders to the local Quaker meeting in our area. One year, the meeting gifted all the parents with a book called “Paths To Quaker Parenting: Using Quaker Beliefs, Testimonies, and Practices.” You can purchase the book by clicking the book title.
Inside the book is a framework for dealing with conflict called “peace talk.” It lays out several steps towards resolving conflict through non-violent communication. I was inspired to try this within our family, and when we calm down and listen to one another we have better communication and peace within the household. I was inspired to create a poster based on this methodology, so that we could put it up on our wall, and so that other families could do the same. I hope this might resonate with people to join us in working collectively to better listen to one another and practice finding peaceful solutions to resolve conflict.
The poster says: Peace Talk Resolving Conflict.
- Stop. Stop what you are doing. Let go of the thing you are fighting over. Be quiet.
- Calm Down. Close eyes. Breath mindfully. Open eyes when calm. When all eyes are open we are ready.
- Attitude Check. Humility: Don’t assume you are right. Compassion: Care about each other. Practicality: Focus on solutions. Flexibility: Be willing to compromise.
- Kind Speaking. Youngest speaks first. Be honest. Tell the whole truth. Use a calm clear voice. Don’t accuse. Say, “I feel” or “it seems.” Clearly explain what the problem is. Make a suggestion to fix the problem.
- Respectful Listening. Don’t interrupt. Trust first in speakers honesty. Try to understand person’s feelings. Focus on solutions. Not who is to blame. Respond to the problem not your ego.
- Agree on a solution.